Uh Oh! Professor Accidentally Uploads Entire Campus to GauchoSpace

April 6, 2020 by

SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE –– In a spectacular technological blunder late last night, one professor accidentally moved the entire UCSB campus to GauchoSpace while trying to upload a lecture to the we...
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Local Stoner Commended by Community for Constant Stream of Smoking Content

December 5, 2019 by

Local stoner Kelly Smith, better known by her Snapchat pseudonym “Phatty Dabz,” has recently been recognized by the community for the constant stream of smoking videos she uploads daily to her Sna...
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Ahoy Matey! Capsized Sailboat To Be Turned Into “First-Year Living Community”

November 14, 2019 by

  A lot of you may have noticed somewhat of an empty feeling around Coal Oil Point this week, as if an old friend or a familiar face may have left the premises. You’d be correct, as the capsize...
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Mom disappointed after parents’ weekend, “thought this was a party school”

November 7, 2019 by

  Having spent the previous weekend at Chico State doing keg stands and shotgunning beers with her son, “cool mom” Karen Smith, proud parent of a freshman at UC Santa Barbara, was thrilled at...
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Wikihow: How to spell Nexustentialism

October 25, 2019 by

  Step 1: Check to see if you have a brain Knock knock! Who’s there? It’s your cerebral cortex, silly! Give your ol’ dome a couple of hearty taps with your knuckles to make sure that little...
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Asbestos in Ceiling Won’t Stop I.V. Rapper’s Mixtape From Being Fire

October 14, 2019 by

Popular I.V. rapper Lil’ Bestos has been preaching defiance after realizing that there is asbestos in his new I.V. apartment. “When I heard that this ‘asbestos’ is a fire retardant,” Bestos ...
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Freshman Lauded as “Hall Genius” After Repeatedly Revealing ACT Score and High School GPA to His Floormates

September 12, 2019 by

  Lately, word has gotten around about so-called FSSP “Hall Genius,” Albert C. Todd, romping the halls of  San Nicolas.  “Yeah, we were just playing truth or dare… and drinking,” whis...
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Bear Grylls to Spend Night in Buchanan Bathroom for Next Survival Challenge

June 28, 2019 by

  Famous survivalist Bear Grylls announced on Twitter last night that for his next television special, he would be spending a week in the bathroom at Buchanan Hall.  “I’ve survived under som...
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