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Registering to Vote

October 28, 2018 by , , and


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Timely Warning! Here Are The 10 Disappointing Guys Who Will Ask You Out This Quarter

October 26, 2018 by

I’m so over being single, so I’ve taken matters into my own hands and decided to make a Tinder. After my first date off the app, I decided to document the type of guy I went out with and it has re...
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Spooky! Third-year Bryce Smith’s Jersey Duvet Hasn’t Been Washed Since Quarter 1 Year 1!

October 26, 2018 by

Ghouls and witches beware! There is something much scarier creeping upon us this Halloween season.
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CALPIRG Trains New Recruits To Smell Weakness

October 26, 2018 by

Worried that their relentless tabling tactics and guilt-tripping lacked effectiveness, the Santa Barbara chapter of the California Public Interest Research Group (CALPIRG) has announced a new method o...
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Gaucho Goings-On: Marriage Announcements!

October 25, 2018 by

Cuffing season is upon us, and with it, the announcements of some sweet Gaucho couplings!
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Bar-Crossed Lovers: A Downtown Love Letter

October 25, 2018 by

A heartwarming open letter to a long lost nightclub love...
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How to Navigate Your Freshman Year Long Distance Relationship

October 24, 2018 by

Here are the five staples of navigating your freshman year long-distance relationship before it inevitably comes to a sad and pathetic end a month and a half into the school year!
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The 5 Stages of Grief for Aspiring Frat Bros Who Didn’t Get a Bid

October 22, 2018 by

With rush week recently over and pledge season swinging into full effect, many have found themselves without a brotherhood to call their own.  Here’s a list of the five stages of grief you bidless ...
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“It’s My Year!” Exclaims Aggressively Single Friend Looking For Love, But Will Most Likely Remain Single

October 19, 2018 by

Despite her unattainably high expectations for the opposite sex, third-year Mackenzie Carlton is confident that it is her time to find love.
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Dear Professors: Midterms Mean They Happen in the Middle of the Term Not Week Fucking Three

October 18, 2018 by

This past Wednesday, fourth-year global studies major Roger Rodgers was seen sobbing on the fourth floor of the library. When approached by a concerned fellow student, Roger just kept crying and was p...
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Intellectual Rigor

October 17, 2018 by


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Goat Boy: Icebreaker

October 17, 2018 by


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Abroad Bros Realize International Women Hate Them Too

October 16, 2018 by

Truly devastating developments have come out of Paris, France today as local “bros” Chad Brohanski and Michael Sendet have realized that European girls hate them even more than American girls back...
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What Your Hickey Says About You

October 15, 2018 by

Hickeys are a timeless staple that lets the world around you know that you’re getting some. Here’s a guide that shows exactly what your hickey says about you!
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Hookup Probably Just Gonna Go, Has an Early Start Tomorrow Morning

October 12, 2018 by

After an hour of haphazard lovemaking, it was reported that Nick Nguyen was probably gonna head out after third-year Emily Callahan invited him over for a last-minute romp in the hay.
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